Kt: How do I curb stress eating?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Kt good question. When we feel stressed, we tense our bodies. When our bodies are tight, we have to "do" something. People do different things...you eat. For you, the secret is to be aware of when you are holding tension inside you...then do some breathing and relaxing exercises BEFORE you take that bite.

Victor: I have a co-worker who seems to be under a lot of stress. It seems that it may originate at home and continue at the office. Do you have any advice on how to help him?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Victor. The first thing you want to remember is not to take responsibility for your co-worker's stress. It is not yours to manage or fix. But you can be a good listener. Suggest a walk over lunchtime, which could be a stress reliever for both of you. Encourage him to talk to a professional. Simply care and be a support person.

SHMILY: Are any factors of stress hereditary and what role does diet play in stress?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Shmily. There do seem to be some predisposition to factors that might lead to being a stressful personality. Or perhaps it is learned from people we live with? We watch how our parents handle stress - screaming, yelling, hitting, taking a drink, popping a pill OR taking a walk, counting to ten, lowering their voice rather than raising it, taking a time out... and we either copy what we saw or perhaps if we found it painful, we choose to do it differently. As far as foods are concerned, caffeine can add to your body tension...alcohol and other drugs can lower your good judgment. So pay attention to your body's reaction to foods.

Stress-queen: On KT's answer, you mention, "do some breathing and relaxing exercises". I understand the breathing part, but what type of relaxing exercises do you recommend?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Stress-Queen... All of the exercises we recommend are based on your breath. So first you must learn to breathe properly - down into your diaphragm... and breathe out very, very slowly, relaxing all your body muscles on your outbreath. In addition, you may want to check out yoga, tai chi, or dancing, which is a wonderful stress reliever.

LEB: Many people may have unique symptoms that indicate when they are "stressed". But what are the most common symptoms displayed by someone under stress?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi LEB...Welcome. There are all kinds of symptoms, physical, behavioral, emotional, cognitive spiritual and relational. Physical signs are things like headaches, indigestion, stomach aches, sweaty palms, difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time, back pain, restlessness, etc. Emotional symptoms: crying, nervousness, anxiety, boredom, feeling powerless, angry, lonely, easily upset. Behavioral: excess smoking, bossiness, compulsive gum chewing, being very critical of others, grinding teeth, overuse of alcohol, compulsive eating, inability to get things done. Cognitive: trouble thinking clearly, forgetfulness, memory loss, constant worry, loss of sense of humor. Relational: isolation, intolerance, lashing out, hiding, clamming up, nagging, distrust, fewer contact with friends.

Debo: Re: stress eating...when I am under stress and I can't let go of it, I eat until I can't even think any more, and then fall asleep. How can I break this habit? (I've been under major stress in the last 4 months.)

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Debo. To break any habit, you must replace the behavior with something else. Make a list of things to do, things that would really be something you would enjoy - and make an effort to do those instead of reach for the food. Also, don't keep food around that is not good for you. Instead have fresh fruits, veggies, snacks that would be nutritious and that you could eat a lot of without hurting yourself.

LEB: I sometimes think when I become overwhelmed with too much to do, I tend to procrastinate some things that I may not enjoy so much or that I may not be sure how to pursue. But this procrastination tends to increase stress even more as the deadline approaches or passes. Why do I tend to procrastinate under stress? And is there a trick for not doing so?

Charlotte Lankard: Dear LEB...You procrastinate because when you are holding stress in your body - rather than learning to release it periodically, it builds to a point that the thinking part of your brain - the neo-cortex area - begins to shut down. The trick is to learn to be very body aware - pay attention to the warning signals that you find yourself doing...when you catch it... and the procrastination is a warning signal...then you have a list of what else you could do. Take a walk, stop and take a 60 second breathing break...put on some music and move to it for a minute or two...write in a journal.... have a good cry...talk to a friend.... find things to release the body tensions, and when you do that, the thinking part of your brain will kick back in. Our tendency is to tense more, which only shuts us down further.

Kat: Every time I'm around my husband I get real tense and nervous. There is no love. We fuss all the time and I just about had a massive heart attack. How and what can I do to not be this way?

Charlotte Lankard: Kat When we find ourselves stressed too much around people we work with or live with, it is simply a warning sign that the relationship is in trouble. These kinds of issues should never be ignored...they will only worsen. Rather, find some professional help.... a pastor, a wise friend, a professional counselor, your EAP program where you work.

Nameplate: I can't seem to let go of thoughts long enough or well enough to meditate. Mediation has always sounded like a great thing, but I can't seem to get into a meditative state. Suggestions?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Nameplate...Meditation is a hard task for some of us.... you are in good company! So try it for only 60 seconds...to begin with. Gradually increase your time. Meditation is not necessarily, however, about being quiet.... it is about being fully in the present moment. An active meditation might be something you'd enjoy more. Turn on music with a fast beat and move to it...shake, dance, but just feel the beat.... and let other thoughts go for a few moments.

Nameplate: My friend sometimes gets so overwhelmed with things to do and life issues that she becomes paralyzed with inaction. What can she do to avoid getting into that place?

Charlotte Lankard: Dear Nameplate...The first thing you want to remember is you are not responsible for solving your friend's problems. You can be a good listener, suggest some things that might help, if she is genuinely asking you for suggestions, but know your desire to help may not be wanted, heeded, or appreciated. And the trick is to not get your feelings hurt when she doesn't do what you say. It is her problem. Maybe she just needs a safe place to whine. If she really wants help, send her this transcript. Suggest a stress management class. Enroll in a yoga class together.

Crlyn64: What do you do to change your stress level when you're married to the person who causes your stress level to be high?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Crlyn64...If there are problems you cannot work out.... seek professional help. If your partner won't go with you, go by yourself. You can learn how to be calm and peaceful inside yourself, regardless of what the other person does. However if you are in danger of any kind - and the threats may be physical, emotionally or verbally abusive, you may at some point have to take a look at what you are getting by remaining in the relationship.

Stress-queen: How do you encourage teenagers to deal with stress?

Charlotte Lankard: Stress-queen.... the best way is to model it yourself. They watch how you handle stress. What are they learning? As far as encouraging it.... perhaps they would respond to the fact that if they will learn to manage their stress, it assures they are always in control of their behavior, their moods, their health. Self-control is a big issue for teens and we need to encourage their ability to be in charge of themselves.

Crlyn64: What do you do if that person is unwilling to change? I don't have a pastor and counselors are too expensive. Are there any state funded or state financed counselors for low-income people?

Charlotte Lankard: Crlyn64.... find a support group, such as Codependents Anonymous, AA or Al-Anon if any drug use is involved, check out what area churches are offering...there are marriage enrichment seminars and workshops going on periodically. Does your work place have an EAP program? If you have absolutely no resources, there is a program offered by the Oklahoma Mental Health Association, called Sunbridge. Call and find out if you qualify. Their number is 843-9900. Good luck!

SHMILY: Can stress cause advanced graying and can stress cause tics?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Shmily...I don't know for sure about the graying...although every time we elect a young President, I watch him gray over the course of his term in office! Tics, definitely, can come from stress. Please remember that there is no such thing as being stress free. It is about managing stress. It goes up, you take a deep breath, relax, a time out, and then you can best handle the next wave of stress that comes.

Bobbie: I am able to stuff my emotions to the point that I am not aware of how I feel until the pressure cooker blows. How can I learn to deal with my emotions and express them at the time?

Charlotte Lankard: Hi Bobbie. Earlier in this chat, I listed some of the stress warning signals. I will provide this to the moderator to attach them to the transcript of this chat and they will be posted later today or tomorrow. If you are stuffing and not aware, then you are out of touch with what is going on with your body.... take a yoga class...or find one on TV that you can do. You must learn to slow down...take deep diaphragmatic breaths...relax your body.... so you can begin to be more aware. As soon as you learn your warning signs, you can interrupt them earlier...and not get to the point where they are building. Does this make sense?

(Note from Charlotte here are the Stress Warning Signals I promised to include)

Physical Symptoms
- Headaches
- Indigestion
- Stomach aches
- Sweaty palms
- Sleep difficulties
- Dizziness
- Back pain
- Tight neck, shoulders
- Racing heart
- Restlessness
- Tiredness
- Ringing in ears

Behavioral Symptoms
- Excess smoking
- Bossiness
- Compulsive gum chewing
- Attitude critical of others
- Grinding of teeth at night
- Overuse of alcohol
- Compulsive eating
- Inability to get things done

Emotional Symptoms
- Crying
- Nervousness, anxiety
- Boredom no meaning to things
- Edginess ready to explode
- Feeling powerless to change things
- Overwhelming sense of pressure
- Anger
- Loneliness
- Unhappiness for no reason
- Easily upset
Cognitive Symptoms
- Trouble thinking clearly
- Forgetfulness
- Lack of creativity
- Memory loss
- Inability to make decisions
- Thoughts of running away
- Constant worry
- Loss of sense of humor
Spiritual Symptoms
- Emptiness
- Loss of meaning
- Doubt
- Unforgiving
- Martyrdom
- Looking for magic
- Loss of direction
- Cynicism
- Apathy
- Needing to "prove self
Relational Symptoms
- Isolation
- Intolerance
- Resentment
- Loneliness
- Lashing out
- Hiding
- Clamming up
- Lowered sex drive
- Nagging
- Distrust
- Lack of intimacy
- Using people fewer contact with friends

Stress warning signals are courtesy of the Mind/Body clinic at Harvard Medical School, directed by Dr. Herbert Benson.

2muchstress: What is stress?

Charlotte Lankard: 2muchstress - stress is your body's perception of danger, or pressure, or a huge adjustment that has to be made. What is stress to one is not to another.... for example, public speaking, or spiders, etc. If your body perceives either as fearful, it will react accordingly. Blood pressure will rise, heart rate will increase, metabolism increases, muscle tension increases, and the hair on the back of your neck really does stand up. When some things increase, that means something else in your body decreases. Things you do not need in time of crisis- like bone production, sexual functioning, and immune functioning goes down. Your body is out of balance. It is your job to bring it back in balance. Unfortunately we carry it too long and it begins to feel normal.

Crlyn64: I just got out of hospital for an angiogram and it turned out to be a very close call. The doctor said if I hadn't been there, there would have been no saving (me). It was a blood clot through the main artery. My doctor said the problem arrived from # 1 stress and family history, but the big problem is caused from stress

Charlotte Lankard: Crlyn64...stress is a fact of life. You are only stress free if you are dead. So managing it is what we must learn. Check the stress warning signals that will be posted as part of this transcript and learn to intercept them. Take charge of your mind, and your body as soon as you realize what is happening. Scientific studies have been done that show anywhere from 60% to 90% of visits to a doctor's office are stress related, such as ulcers, high blood pressure, gastro-intestinal problems, muscle spasms, headaches, etc. Learning to manage your stress is vital. If you remain in a stressful situation, then get into counseling to find out what the pay off is for remaining there. Sometimes we have to move out of those situations.

Moderator: We just found the number for Sunbridge, a counseling center for low-income people or families. That number is 843-9900. If you don't qualify for Sunbridge, they can direct you to other assistance.

Moderator: Is there a difference between being stressed and simply having an angry personality?

Charlotte Lankard: Having an angry personality is a warning signal of stress. If the angry personality is oneself, then find out what is going on. Anger is always about unhealed wounds. Find a good counselor and deal with it. If the angry personality is someone else, you may have to remove yourself from that person. You cannot ever change another person.

Stressed out: How does one handle the stress of a demanding 3 year old?

Charlotte Lankard: Stressed out... with a lot of deep breathing...keeping in mind what is really important...asking for help...not trying to do it all...don't lose your sense of humor...remember he/she won't be three forever!

Stress-queen: How do you suggest to a person who is angry to get help? I have an older relative who has the attitude "there's no sense in doing anything about it this late in life".

Charlotte Lankard: Stress-queen: You can only suggest it once and then you become a nag. But you can refuse to be engaged in it... kindly but firmly. If the adult doesn't want to do anything about it "this late in life", you may have to accept that.

Charlotte Lankard: Thanks to all of you for chatting with me today. At the Center for Mind, Body and Spirit, where I am director, we offer speakers, a library and a bi-monthly newsletter - free of charge to the public. We talk about these kinds of issues and how to bring your self into balance. If you'd like to be on our mailing list, call 943-3921 and we'll add your name. You can attend any of our events, and if you do be sure to come up and say hello to me. In the meantime... remember to breathe deeply and often.... and when all else fails, put on the music and dance! Charlotte

Moderator: Thank you so much Charlotte. It was very educational. We hope to have you back soon!