Thanksgiving bird offers much to talk about and enjoy

BY DAVE CATHEY

Published: November 26, 2008

As we prepare to gather for a majestic feast centered on a grand roasted — or in my case, fried — bird, let us take a moment to talk turkey.

You know that nap you take shortly after the last slice of pecan and/or pumpkin pie?

What’s causing it? Is it the ineptness of the Detroit Lions, the tryptophan in the turkey, the exhausting effects of a high-fat, high-carb meal or your Aunt Lil’s incessant and relentless assault on the English language as she harangues through the Big Three: politics, religion and anything else?

It’s likely a combination of all four, but dietitians will tell you to blame the combat your body must go through to absorb the Orc-like ferocity of a high-fat, high-carb meal. Not to mention that extra glass of wine you poured yourself when Aunt Lil said, "Did y’all hear that new president the liberals elected is gonna outlaw traditional families?”

Did the pilgrims really share turkey with the Indians, using Plymouth Rock as a picnic table? According to letters written at the time: yes. But turkey wasn’t the only thing on the menu. Cod, bass, venison and about anything else they could shoot, trap, snare or hook spilled from the cornucopia.

Wait, is this a wild turkey that Uncle Jasper shot and butchered himself?

If it tastes more like duck, then yes. Wild turkey is practically all dark meat and has a stronger flavor. Most likely, though, you’re eating one of Butterball’s famous broad-breasted white domesticated turkeys.

And what about the wattle? Since turkeys don’t sweat, they’ve got to have some way to cool areas where blood flows close to the surface. Thus, the wattle.

I can’t tell you why Aunt Lil’s wattle isn’t cooling her blood flow, but perhaps it’s time to open another bottle of wine.

And maybe another dish of something high in fat ... and carbs.

Sleep well.

Your thoughts!