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I was riding my bike with a good friend last week, and we were talking about her marriage. Her husband committed several acts of infidelity over the course of their eight-year marriage, and now they are trying to figure out if they can go on and begin again.
Here’s the problem — she still loves him.
I listened carefully as she talked, realizing that she only spoke of all the terrible things he has done to her, and then every so often she would add, “but I still love him.”
The thing is, he is doing all the right things, at this point. They were separated for one year. During that year, he cleaned up his act, did everything that was required of him to make things right, and he has begged his wife to give him another chance.
So, what is the answer?
My advice to her was simple. You don’t have to decide right now. Give him a shot at being a faithful husband, and when all is said and done — you will know. You will know whether the good in your marriage will be able to outweigh the bad over time.
In the meantime, I suggested they find a good counselor. But more importantly, I suggested she stop focusing on all of the terrible things and start spending time doing things that are fun. I like to break this into three categories — romance with husband, fun with friends, peace with self.
Get romantic with your husband
Plan a trip away together. My husband and I have a couple of trips we love and we do them often.
Drive to a beautiful spot and sit and talk while eating the popcorn you just made at home.
Go for a walk or a hike close to home and take a picnic.
Head out for a drive-in movie.
Go have fun with your girlfriends
Go out to dinner once in a while with a group or friends, or cook at someone’s house.