Web site is forum allowing parents to discuss issues such as disciplining others’ children

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Published: October 1, 2009
Modified: September 30, 2009 at 5:55 pm

At Online at www.mamapedia.com, parents and experts chime in on parenting questions ranging from discipline to the health and safety of their children.

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A parent asked for advice on handling her friends’ unruly children: "How do I explain to my kids that even though we are all friends, I don’t necessarily approve of what their kids say or do? What about when they misbehave while with us? How do you correct or discipline other kids in your care and when do you tell their parents what they are saying or doing?”

Here are a few responses:

It is OK to explain to your children that all families do not have the same rules and that you love your kids so much that you have the rules you do.

As far as disciplining them in your home, here is the only mantra: "My house, my rules.” That is all you need to say.

When their behavior is hurtful, either physically or emotionally, you definitely tell their parents.

The same with the kids. Those visiting kids have the right to think that what they are doing is OK unless you tell them it is not. But in this case, you have control over how they behave in your home or they cannot come over.

My boys are in their 20s now and have their own lives and jobs. We are, and have always been, very close. When they were younger, I had much stricter rules in my home than most other parents. It did not stop their friends from coming over at all. My house was the one in high school that had the New Year’s Eve parties, post-prom parties, etc. In many ways I know they appreciated that the rules were right up front.

Set your boundaries and be consistent. It is the best thing you can do for your own kids as well as these others.

B.L., San Francisco

In regards to explaining other children’s bad behavior to your kids, we use, "They haven’t learned yet.” This gives two things to your children: 1) understanding that you do not approve of the behavior and 2) compassion. Someone can always learn and improve.

E.R., San Francisco

I tell the kids that whatever inappropriate thing it is that they are doing is not allowed in our home. I say this in front of their parents, also.

Or if my son is imitating what the other kids are doing, I tell him very audibly that behavior is not allowed and if it continues, I’ll have to send his friends home.

V.R., Redding, Calif.

Source: www.mamapedia.com