Imagine the influence Wilt Chamberneezy could have had on the Thunder's peach-fuzz centers. Obi-Shaq Kenobi could have spread his great wisdom throughout the entire Thunder village.
Serge Ibaka from the Republic of Congo could have added a fifth language to his already impressive repertoire — Lingala (Congolese dialect), French, Spanish, English and Shaqanese.
Had the acquisition of Shaq Fu taken place, hopefully he would have approved of our city. Shaqalicious likes the Waffle House, judging from his Tennessee visit last August during which he left a $30 tip on a $20 tab, and we must lead the free world in Waffle Houses per capita around here.
The Big Maravich posed like a statue for an hour in Harvard Square last month, unbeknownst to teammates.
Celtics coach Doc Rivers, a straight-shooter, said this of the Big Shamrock's presence in Boston: "He brings us something to talk about off the floor, probably as much as any player we've had. I'm good with that, as long as he brings that same interest on the floor.
"Shaq gets it in a lot of ways, you know. He loves his job, he plays the game, but he also understands that it's not so serious that you can't enjoy life and have fun with people. The people are the ones who pay to watch the games. I would say that he gets that as much as any star."
Boston is numb to hall-of-famers walking its street, yet the city quickly has been drawn to Red Auershaq.
The Big Leprechaun becoming a public spectacle means little, if anything, to his new teammates, but it could have served as a wonderful deflection of attention to Thunder players who are comfortable blending in with the locals.
National exposure has intensified on Oklahoma City since last year's 27-win improvement that resulted in a 50-win season and a playoff berth. The Green Monster could have sent the Thunder's Q rating even higher.
Having Big Daddy on the Thunder roster would have been undeniably intriguing.
The Celtics face the Thunder on Sunday night at 6 inside Oklahoma City Arena. Shaqachusetts is battling a bruised right knee and has missed the last three games. He made the trip, but it's unknown if he will play.
We must give the Shaqnificent one our best regards. Let him know what he missed, what we missed.
John Rohde: 475-3099. John Rohde can be heard Monday-Friday from 6-7 p.m. on The Sports Animal Network, including AM-640 and FM-98.1.