Women create common ground, support through groups of friends

By Charlotte Lankard Comments 1
Published: October 1, 2009
Modified: September 30, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Speaking to women’s groups is one of the things I enjoy most. Part of it, I think, is because as the daughter of a preacher, I spent a lot of time going with my mother to such gatherings. I don’t remember ever having a babysitter and when I was an infant and there were no church nurseries. It was a time and a place where a mother took her child with her or she stayed home, but as the pastor’s wife, staying home was seldom an option for my Mom. She just took me along.

As a result, any time I walk into a group of church women — regardless of the denomination — I have a sense of coming home. Last week I spent some time with a group of Episcopal women and they were no exception. Their welcome was warm and we discovered many common life experiences.

When women talk with each other, they typically find a place of connection. If you’ve divorced, chances are they or someone in their family is also. If you’ve had a family member die, so have they. If you are going through a rough patch, they’ve been there. If you find great joy in your children or grandchildren, they share your feeling. During the conversation, you will often hear, "I know just what you mean.”

"I Know Just What You Mean” is the title of a book written by Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Ellen Goodman and her longtime friend Patricia O’Brien, a novelist-journalist. It is a book about the power of friendship in women’s lives. It was given to me by my friend Jenny, and I find it a treasure of wisdom.

Wise women know that children come and go and a spouse may die, but the camaraderie they share with their friends is something they can count on to see them through the darkest of times.

Women friends serve as confessors and advisers during romantic, career and child-raising crises. They shop together, laugh together, celebrate and cry together.

They keep each other company through the dark times. It is within these friendships women do the work of their lives.

Charlotte Lankard, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is in private practice with Baptist Counseling Associates. Her Web site is www.charlottelankard.com.