Write your own story

Instead of looking to others to change their behavior, remedy a painful situation by looking inward and asking what you can do.
BY CHARLOTTE LANKARD For The Oklahoman clankard@opubco.com Modified: July 29, 2013 at 4:24 pm •  Published: July 30, 2013

“Freedom begins the moment you realize someone else has been writing your story and it's time you took the pen from his or her hand and started writing it yourself.”

— Journalist Bill Moyers

The opposite of freedom is to not have a choice. Moyers' quote reminded me of my friend Debbie Williams who years ago introduced me to the lyrics of a song by the Eagles. I don't remember the name of the song, but one of the lines has stayed with me. “So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”

Most people can tolerate a lot of pain, and it is amazing what great lengths we will go to cope with it before we seriously consider doing something different.

We nurse the hurt and blame our partner, our parents, our boss or our children. Sometimes we blame our age, gender, lack of money, education or connections. But the reality is if anything is going to be different, regardless of how wrong or dysfunctional the situation or the other person, change must always begin with oneself.

Of course it would be easier if the other person changed also, but we are the only ones we can control. Many of us have tried to force a change on another adult. They may make a shift for a short time to get us off their backs, but it will always be temporary.

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