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Your Life: Holidays heighten pain of loss

Charlotte Lankard: The pain of loss is especially acute during the holidays for parents who've had a child die.

BY CHARLOTTE LANKARD, For The Oklahoman | Published: December 10, 2012 Comment on this article

Missing the child never goes away. The age of the child at the time of death does not lessen the hurt. Parents describe the feeling as having a hole in their heart. It is common to feel alone and isolated because family and friends are often a loss as to how to respond.

If you know someone who has lost a child, put that child on your Christmas list. Let the parents know you wrote a check to your favorite nonprofit or bought a toy for a child who would not have one as a way to remember their son or daughter, or write a thoughtful note sharing a memory.

It will not make the pain of loss go away, but it will help to know their child has not been forgotten.

Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Email her at clankard@opubco.com.

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