It is OK to ask for help, whether it is information, encouragement, a hand, a ride or a hug. If the person says no, you can deal with that. Perhaps you asked the wrong person.
Asking for help in a direct manner is not the same as asking someone to rescue you.
Wanting to be rescued is when you whine, coerce or attempt to manipulate. Or perhaps you say nothing, because “she should know and I shouldn't have to ask.”
That way of behaving is self-defeating. You take on the role of a victim and become powerless.
You give your power away anytime you ask someone else what you should do. While it is OK to consider options others have chosen, the bottom line is you are the only authority on you. My friend Doug Manning says, “God gave you brains, so don't stick them in your back pocket.”
You give away your power:
When you spend your time worrying and fretting instead of taking action.
When you think you don't deserve help.
When you live in fear and do nothing. If you have thought being courageous meant you didn't feel fear, you have misunderstood.
When you refuse to make a decision until all your “ducks are in order.” That kind of thinking can put your life on hold indefinitely.
There are times when you have to take a step, not knowing the outcome. It is only after the first step you see more clearly the next one.
I know a father who tells his children, “At some point in a dilemma, you have to do something. If the action you take is not helpful, you are not a failure, you have simply learned an important lesson.”
You give away your power when you choose to be unhappy. If you are blaming anyone else for making you feel unhappy, you are again a victim.
Whether or not you are happy is entirely up to you.
D.H. Lawrence, an English novelist said, “If you are willing to be sponged out, erased, canceled, and made nothing, you will never really change.”
Of course, you could always ask for help.
Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.