Share “Your life: Therapy can only help those who...”

Your life: Therapy can only help those who want help

Charlotte Lankard: When someone you love is acting in a way that is irrational and disrupting to your relationship, sometimes the wisest action you can take is to get help for yourself.
BY CHARLOTTE LANKARD Published: April 8, 2013

They accuse you of being unreasonable and controlling.

It is normal for you to feel disillusioned, depressed, angry and hopeless when your loved one refuses to admit problems or undergo treatment.

You can replay the above cycle for years — and many do — but the wisest action you can take is to find a therapist or a support group for yourself.

Help yourself now

Instead of using your energy trying to force help on someone who doesn't want it, use your energy for self-care.

A woman I admire did just that and at the end of her therapy, she penned these lines:

“It is my spring. I am shedding the layers that hid me. Fear and anxiety are falling away to make room for courage and independence.

“Confidence looms where it previously was absent. Smiles reach all the way to my eyes. Life is as before … but more. Bigger. Brighter. Bolder. All me.”

Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Email her at